I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize