you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
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