Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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