You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
This toilet bowl is my home.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize