If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
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