You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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