when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
so much tequila, so little girl.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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