I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
