walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
