I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
