EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
