I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
