my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
