Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize