It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
