oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
