The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
