Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
