I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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