I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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