But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
