u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
time to smoke my breakfast
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
