Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
