I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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