I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
