If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Fuck appropriateness.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
