The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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