it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
