she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
