I need help removing her.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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