I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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