You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
