they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
