Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
