Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
