my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
you win again, gameday.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
