I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
