After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
