is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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