If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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