Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
