How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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