We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
