4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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