in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
