im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize