I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
