I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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