I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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