And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
