it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
