Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
