babies were throwing up all over the place
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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