so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
