before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
