in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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