Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
