you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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