Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I am midnight drunk by noon
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
