In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
