I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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