ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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