GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
