like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
