good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
