I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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