I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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